07.07.08
How Do I Help A Friend Who Has Just Lost A Loved One?
Dear BeThree,
How do you support someone who's grieving the loss of a loved one? Do you call, stop by, cook them meals? Or is it best to just leave them alone? – Amanda, Portland, OR
Since the grieving process is one of the few human experiences that follows no specific and common path, it’s hard to predict how you should respond to a friend who has just lost a loved one. We asked professional life coach, Kerri Yates, for a few pointers. Here’s her take:
Stay Flexible: Your friend is probably dealing with a myriad of emotions all at once. Because of that, she might change her mind several times a day on how she’d like to be offered help. Be patient and stay flexible, both with your schedule and in your reactions.
Stick Around: Make yourself available to your friend in whatever way that you’re comfortable with - whether it’s through voicemails, handwritten notes, or dropping off homemade cookies. The key is to let her know that she doesn’t have to respond to you if she’s not ready. This is an important gift that shows your selflessness during a time when all she needs is love without the expectation of reciprocation.
Takeaway: If you’re having trouble coming up with the “right words” to comfort your friend, just know that you can’t go wrong if you speak from your heart. Let her know that you love her, plain and simple. And that you understand that she’s going through something incredibly hard. Give her the space to ask for what she needs. Because sometimes it’s through silence and listening that we offer our best help.
Need more ideas? The book, A Good Friend for Bad Time: Helping Others Through Grief, gives advice on when to give and how during the grieving process.
How do you support someone who's grieving the loss of a loved one? Do you call, stop by, cook them meals? Or is it best to just leave them alone? – Amanda, Portland, OR
Since the grieving process is one of the few human experiences that follows no specific and common path, it’s hard to predict how you should respond to a friend who has just lost a loved one. We asked professional life coach, Kerri Yates, for a few pointers. Here’s her take:
Stay Flexible: Your friend is probably dealing with a myriad of emotions all at once. Because of that, she might change her mind several times a day on how she’d like to be offered help. Be patient and stay flexible, both with your schedule and in your reactions.
Stick Around: Make yourself available to your friend in whatever way that you’re comfortable with - whether it’s through voicemails, handwritten notes, or dropping off homemade cookies. The key is to let her know that she doesn’t have to respond to you if she’s not ready. This is an important gift that shows your selflessness during a time when all she needs is love without the expectation of reciprocation.
Takeaway: If you’re having trouble coming up with the “right words” to comfort your friend, just know that you can’t go wrong if you speak from your heart. Let her know that you love her, plain and simple. And that you understand that she’s going through something incredibly hard. Give her the space to ask for what she needs. Because sometimes it’s through silence and listening that we offer our best help.
Need more ideas? The book, A Good Friend for Bad Time: Helping Others Through Grief, gives advice on when to give and how during the grieving process.
Don’t be shy!
Wow, Jennifer - it's amazing to hear your story and how your friends circled around you with love. It reminds me of that quote that your friends in life are the family you choose. I know I couldn't make it without my friends beside me.
– laxer | 07.07.08 | 5:18 PM
When I lost my mom two years ago, I didn't know what to expect from my friends. They were amazing. Although I can't remember what I did yesterday, I remember details from conversations we had during that time like it was yesterday. I can recall their faces as they listened, their expressions of sympathy, whose eyes watered up with mine. The very best thing you can do is just be there - and know that your small acts of kindness will be forever engrained in your friend's heart.
– jennifersullivancorkern@gmail.com | 07.07.08 | 9:31 AM
A friend of mine just went through this. Very helpful advice.
– SP | 07.07.08 | 8:02 AM
