05.05.08
Someone Saved My Life Tonight
Sometimes we all need a little rescuing from bad days, challenging relationships, or life’s inevitable ups and downs. Being a friend’s savior can give you a sense of connectivity and meaning, but before you take on the role of courageous savior, try pondering your intentions with these questions before you automatically dive in to help.
Who Is This Really For?: Sometimes we don’t realize that our motivation to help others is actually self-centered. For example, if you’re looking for others to be impressed with your actions, take a step back and ask yourself what your real intention is for helping. Actions guided by inauthentic motivations can actually hurt, not help both your self-esteem and the one you’re hoping to save.
Is This Really What They Need?: Many of life’s difficult situations are also opportunities for growth. Working out one’s own challenges without being “saved” by someone else can be a critical part of the grieving or confidence re-building processes. Try verbally validating how hard someone’s situation is before attempting to rescue them. That way, your good intentions won’t get in the way of what they need to experience.
Saving Steps: Next time you want to help someone, help yourself by following these three steps:
1. Establish your motivation. Ask yourself, “What’s important to me about doing this?”
2. Start with verbal support. If you want to do more, ask what you can do. If you have an idea, pose it. Be sure to include, “It would mean a lot to me to be able to do this.” Openly stating your emotional desires frees the recipient to accept without guilt or hesitation.
3. Give them the opportunity to say no to your help. If they do say no, offer verbal support, sit tight, and check in with them again in a few days. They’ll let you know when they’re ready to be given a helping hand.
Who Is This Really For?: Sometimes we don’t realize that our motivation to help others is actually self-centered. For example, if you’re looking for others to be impressed with your actions, take a step back and ask yourself what your real intention is for helping. Actions guided by inauthentic motivations can actually hurt, not help both your self-esteem and the one you’re hoping to save.
Is This Really What They Need?: Many of life’s difficult situations are also opportunities for growth. Working out one’s own challenges without being “saved” by someone else can be a critical part of the grieving or confidence re-building processes. Try verbally validating how hard someone’s situation is before attempting to rescue them. That way, your good intentions won’t get in the way of what they need to experience.
Saving Steps: Next time you want to help someone, help yourself by following these three steps:
1. Establish your motivation. Ask yourself, “What’s important to me about doing this?”
2. Start with verbal support. If you want to do more, ask what you can do. If you have an idea, pose it. Be sure to include, “It would mean a lot to me to be able to do this.” Openly stating your emotional desires frees the recipient to accept without guilt or hesitation.
3. Give them the opportunity to say no to your help. If they do say no, offer verbal support, sit tight, and check in with them again in a few days. They’ll let you know when they’re ready to be given a helping hand.
