06.30.08
Wedding Week: I’m Dateless And Survived Another Wedding
My fifth summer wedding invitation arrives in the mail and offers me a “plus one.” Problem is, I don’t have a “plus one.” I’m totally single and I’m smack dab in the middle of wedding season, stuck recycling my one ‘08 wedding outfit at every ceremony, each celebrating true love and eternal happiness - neither of which I think I’ll ever find. But instead of sulking, I'm going to look hot and follow these tips to survive weddings as a single gal. If you're like me (or know someone who is), don't throw a pity party - follow this advice instead!
Critical Must-Haves
Cell Phone: So I can call/text pals for an OMG moment, or if I need an ego boost.
Love Gloves: It never hurts to be prepared, right? If I go home solo and still feel frisky, maybe I’ll fool around with Trojan’s Her Pleasure Vibrating Ring that can be used with or without a partner. Giddyup.
Tissues: No one needs to know that I’m crying at the reception because I miss my ex (not because I’m so ecstatically happy for the bride). Because the Earth shouldn’t have to pay for my emotional PMS, I’ll use Seventh Generation recycled tissues.
A Ready-Made Excuse: I'll be prepared with an exit strategy. And, “ I gotta go. The Biggest Loser is on!” doesn’t cut it.
Affirmations: (Repeated Silently Pre-wedding)
I WILL donate my overpriced bridesmaid’s dress to The Bridesmaid Party, who will send my chiffon getup to women in Africa and Afghanistan so they can reuse or transform it into a better product.
I will NOT get hammered - nothing’s more depressing than a stumbling-drunk single chick in heels.
I will NOT stand by myself. That might be more depressing than above.
I WILL lose the ol’ inhibitions so I can flirt with unattached males.
I WILL hit the dance floor. It’s a potential gold mine out there and maybe I’ll “bump into” a hottie during the inevitable YMCA rendition.
Do you have a burning wedding wellness question? Ask BeThree and we might publish the answer in a story next week!
Critical Must-Haves
Cell Phone: So I can call/text pals for an OMG moment, or if I need an ego boost.
Love Gloves: It never hurts to be prepared, right? If I go home solo and still feel frisky, maybe I’ll fool around with Trojan’s Her Pleasure Vibrating Ring that can be used with or without a partner. Giddyup.
Tissues: No one needs to know that I’m crying at the reception because I miss my ex (not because I’m so ecstatically happy for the bride). Because the Earth shouldn’t have to pay for my emotional PMS, I’ll use Seventh Generation recycled tissues.
A Ready-Made Excuse: I'll be prepared with an exit strategy. And, “ I gotta go. The Biggest Loser is on!” doesn’t cut it.
Affirmations: (Repeated Silently Pre-wedding)
I WILL donate my overpriced bridesmaid’s dress to The Bridesmaid Party, who will send my chiffon getup to women in Africa and Afghanistan so they can reuse or transform it into a better product.
I will NOT get hammered - nothing’s more depressing than a stumbling-drunk single chick in heels.
I will NOT stand by myself. That might be more depressing than above.
I WILL lose the ol’ inhibitions so I can flirt with unattached males.
I WILL hit the dance floor. It’s a potential gold mine out there and maybe I’ll “bump into” a hottie during the inevitable YMCA rendition.
Do you have a burning wedding wellness question? Ask BeThree and we might publish the answer in a story next week!
Don’t be shy!
That Bridesmaid Party nonprofit is SUCH a good idea!!!
– laxer | 06.30.08 | 10:23 AM
